Part 3, Stand by your man.

Your support in listening to his dreams—and even enabling a few to come true—communicates your respect. Dreaming together is like marriage insurance: You're blending your hopes for a shared future.

Be on his side.

Keep thinking of you two as a lifelong team. So when your husband has a problem, it's your problem, too. A husband longs for this kind of companionship—to know he's not alone.

My friend, Alicia, talks about sticking up for her husband in public. You won't hear her voicing complaints about her husband, Dan, to friends at church, or making belittling comments to him in front of others. If they've got problems, says Alicia, they deal with them privately.

If you have children, include your husband in parenting decisions (even if he defers most of the troubleshooting in this area to you). Stand by his discipline decisions. Model your respect for him in front of your kids, and he'll really feel your encouragement!

Get off your agenda and onto his.

We get accustomed to organizing our family's weekly menus, schedules, social calendars, and errands. So sometimes it may be hard to let go of the reins and let our husband "drive" some of the family time. Yet it may be as simple as starting one Saturday with a flexible attitude, prepared to rearrange our tasks and errands around his plans for the day.

This is a tough one for me. I like to plan ahead—while David's approach is more laid-back. He'll say, "Let's take a bike ride," and the next thing I know, we're at the park, then at Tastee-Freeze. But the family fun that evolves when we're doing things spontaneously creates a nice balance for us all.

Nothing shows our love and respect more than backing off to give our husband's plans and ideas some room to develop.

Be available for physical intimacy.

I asked David, "What do I do that encourages you?" Right away he answered, "Your black nightgown encourages me!" Of course David was deliberately being naughty. But you know what? I think he's right. He does handle the demands of work and family more cheerfully when we've been having sex regularly. Maybe it's because when that strong physical need is met, there's one less thing to distract him. But it's also because our physical intimacy's a barometer for the rest of our relationship. If we're coming together physically, it's a good sign we're working well as a team. It's a signal (an encouragement!) to him that he's doing fine at home.

Don't wait for your husband to "deserve it."

This last bit of advice is perhaps the most important. Maybe your husband takes you for granted. Maybe he never says thank you. So what I'm asking—for you to encourage and respect him anyway—seems like something requiring superhuman strength.

Here's the good news: There is superhuman power accessible to help you. Ask God to give you his love for your husband. Ask God to help you see one or two good aspects in your husband you can praise and respect.

My friend Michele Weiner-Davis, a popular marriage therapist, calls this "tipping the first domino." Jesus called it doing "to others what you would have them do to you" (Matt. 7:12). You both need affirmation and encouragement, but you can't make your husband speak the words you need. You can only be responsible for your actions, so go first! Be the one to set a new standard for encouraging words and behavior in your marriage. God will honor your efforts, and your husband's going to love it!

Part 2, Stand by your man

I've discovered that when I notice my spouse's efforts at self-discipline, it motivates him to keep working on his areas of weakness. And while David still doesn't have the keenest fashion sense (it took me a couple years to eradicate the Hawaiian shirts from his wardrobe!), and he may be the world's biggest packrat (he still has his library card from when he was 13 years old, living 4 states away), he's a fabulous cook and gardener. And he's a tender-hearted father. Knowing him well, I get a close-up view of all that's best about David.

Search for significance.

God created us with a deep desire for meaning and significance. David has told me he finds the most meaning in being a father, so I do my best to affirm the good stuff I see going on between him and our kids. I pretend to be "jealous" of the way Julia and Robbie fly out the back door to meet David at the end of his workday, and I fake despair over the way Robbie only wants David to rock him to sleep. The kids know I'm delighted they're so attached to Daddy. I thank David for the time he takes to talk with our kids at bedtime. I encourage him that his investment in their young lives will create a long-lasting closeness between them.

Dreaming together is like marriage insurance: You're blending your hopes for a shared future.

Maybe your husband finds meaning in his job. So show interest in what goes on at his workplace: What challenges does he face, what new projects is he involved in, what goals must he meet? As you understand the specifics, your encouragement can become more specific. You can enter into his enthusiasm over praise from a supervisor or a breakthrough with a difficult coworker.

If you've never talked to your husband about why he thinks God put him in his job and in your family, ask him!

Dare to dream with him.

Is there something your husband always longed to do when you were first married, but he's stopped mentioning it now that you're busy with bills and kids and ministry demands? What's his dream for the future?

In all our years of apartment dwelling, David grew flowers on windowsills and small porches. At garage sales and thrift stores, I'd pick up how-to books on gardening and building greenhouses. We'd lived in our first home about two minutes when he started building a greenhouse in our backyard (even though, in my estimation, there were more pressing projects to tackle). I shut up and prayed he wouldn't spend too much. He didn't—and now I've got bouquets in the house almost year-round.

I'm just glad he only wanted a greenhouse and not a motorcycle (with my vivid imagination, I can't stop visualizing skin on pavement). But my friend, Jane, swallowed any fears she had and encouraged her husband to buy a decent motorcycle, even if it wasn't his dream Harley. She even rides with him!

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Stand by your man, Part 1.

Stand by Your Man

8 winning ways to encourage him

Annette LaPlaca

Most women do about 11 things at the same time (including talking on the phone)—especially if they're married with children! We get good at responsibility-juggling because wehave to: There's a job to manage, diapers to change, a house to clean, books to read, friends to reach out to, not to mention a husband to care for. We know how it feels to lose heart when we get burdened by too many responsibilities.

While your husband may not juggle the same number of details you do, the challenges he deals with are heavy ones, too—starting with a wife to love and serve, a career at which to succeed, even children to nurture. And, just like you, he can lose heart while carrying heavy responsibilities.

That's one of the reasons why God put people together in marriage—for mutual encouragement. Unfortunately, building up is harder work than demolishing, which comes all too naturally! But an encouraged husband makes a great life partner—he's more positive, responsive, and better equipped to work and serve your whole family.

You have an incredible ability to "make or break" your husband's day or week—or decade—by what you say and do. Here are a few ways to stand by your man and make him feel as though he's the greatest.

Say thanks.

If you find it hard to come up with ways to encourage your husband, saying thanks is a great place to start. If things are rocky just now and you don't feel particularly thankful for your husband (believe me, this happens!), start small. Thank him for holding open a door, picking up the newspaper after he's finished, or tucking your kids into bed.

Many women hold back grateful affirmations because they think,Why should I thank him for things he should do anyway?! The first reason to do it is because you've signed up for this gig (being his wife). The second is that your positive words pave the way for your husband to do more of the same.

At our house, I make a point of profusely thanking my husband, David, every time he gives the kids a bath or gets up with our early risers so I don't have to. These things still don't happen as often as I'd like them to, but that's not stopping me from expressing my gratitude when David does come through.

Know your man.

What are his strong points? His weak ones? Become an expert on your spouse.

Maybe your husband's a wonderful father. Or maybe he's a good financial provider. But unless you're married to Mr. Perfect Guy, he probably struggles somewhere, too. Does your husband have a quick temper? Does he spend too much money—or time on the computer? While these are points for prayer, they're also areas in which encouragement can make a difference.

Develop a sharp eye for noticing small steps in positive directions, then encourage your husband in them. Every time I see my husband, David, who tends to be a spender, make an effort to save money, I notice it out loud. I tell him how much I appreciate him disciplining himself for some of our long-term goals instead of dropping cash at the local hardware store every Saturday.

Am I teaching and learning

"The heart of the wise teaches his mouth, And adds learning to his lips." Pro. 16:23

When I read this I just thought about, if I had wisdom. Am I learning from what my heart shows me and being wise with what I learn and add it to my speech to keep my mouth and lips in check. I hope so. Often times I stick my foot in where wisdom should be. Lord help my to take the wisdom you show me along the way, and put it into practice.

Build him up, not tear him down

Strengthening Your Husband's Self-EsteemBarbara Rainey Our children and I once watched a new shopping center go up near our home. Initially, progress was rapid; the lot was cleared and the concrete pads were poured in one week. Then the walls went up, quickly followed by the framing for the roof. But one day, we turned the corner and slowed our van in disbelief. The entire structure had collapsed! The wooden roof trusses lay flat in neat rows, surrounded by the remains of the crumbled brick walls. It appeared that there had been an explosion. Puzzled, we asked what had happened and learned that the carpenters had failed to secure and brace the new structure properly. The building's roof, held in place only by two boards, had collapsed under the weight of two carpenters. As I reflected with amazement on the need for support in the building's structure, I saw a parallel in our marriage. The roof is like my husband's self-esteem. Ephesians 5:23 teaches that the husband is "the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church." When we first married, I committed to being under the roof of Dennis's protection. He had all the structural basics, but he was brand-new at being my protector. Like that roof, he appeared to be solidly in place, but he needed me to help secure him—to brace him by believing in him. Fortunately, I did come alongside him. Through the years, the weight of life's pressures has sometimes shaken him, but he has remained solidly over me as my roof, my protector. Today, although still not perfectly secure, my husband's structural integrity is much more stable. He tells me that I have had a major part in helping him to feel more sure of himself as a man and as a husband. Likewise, you can strengthen your husband's self-esteem. But first you must recognize where he needs bolstering. Many women today are so caught up in finding their own identity that they, like the carpenters who were building the shopping center, make assumptions about their husband's self-confidence and security. Your mate may be full-grown on the outside, but inside he undoubtedly feels some insecurity. He's not so sure how to be a man in this world where women have growing independence and society is changing the traditional rules of relationships. How does a wife build her husband's self-esteem? Basically, by making her responsibility as wife her number-one focus. By developing the right attitudes, a wife can meet some of her husband's needs—needs to be believed in, supported, and encouraged. It has been said, "Behind every great man is a great woman." One woman believed that literally. She and her husband, the mayor of a large city, walking down a city street one day when a construction worker on a nearby scaffolding leaned over and shouted, "Hello, Peggy." She turned to look and recognized the carpenter as an old boyfriend from high school. She returned his greeting, and they had a brief conversation before she and her husband continued their walk. The mayor chuckled and said to his wife, "See there, if you had married him, you'd be the wife of a construction worker." She looked at him and said, "No, dear, if I'd married him, he would be the mayor of this city." No matter what type of man you are married to, God wants you to set your sights on building his self-esteem.

Build him up, not tear him down

Strengthening Your Husband's Self-EsteemBarbara Rainey Our children and I once watched a new shopping center go up near our home. Initially, progress was rapid; the lot was cleared and the concrete pads were poured in one week. Then the walls went up, quickly followed by the framing for the roof. But one day, we turned the corner and slowed our van in disbelief. The entire structure had collapsed! The wooden roof trusses lay flat in neat rows, surrounded by the remains of the crumbled brick walls. It appeared that there had been an explosion. Puzzled, we asked what had happened and learned that the carpenters had failed to secure and brace the new structure properly. The building's roof, held in place only by two boards, had collapsed under the weight of two carpenters. As I reflected with amazement on the need for support in the building's structure, I saw a parallel in our marriage. The roof is like my husband's self-esteem. Ephesians 5:23 teaches that the husband is "the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church." When we first married, I committed to being under the roof of Dennis's protection. He had all the structural basics, but he was brand-new at being my protector. Like that roof, he appeared to be solidly in place, but he needed me to help secure him—to brace him by believing in him. Fortunately, I did come alongside him. Through the years, the weight of life's pressures has sometimes shaken him, but he has remained solidly over me as my roof, my protector. Today, although still not perfectly secure, my husband's structural integrity is much more stable. He tells me that I have had a major part in helping him to feel more sure of himself as a man and as a husband. Likewise, you can strengthen your husband's self-esteem. But first you must recognize where he needs bolstering. Many women today are so caught up in finding their own identity that they, like the carpenters who were building the shopping center, make assumptions about their husband's self-confidence and security. Your mate may be full-grown on the outside, but inside he undoubtedly feels some insecurity. He's not so sure how to be a man in this world where women have growing independence and society is changing the traditional rules of relationships. How does a wife build her husband's self-esteem? Basically, by making her responsibility as wife her number-one focus. By developing the right attitudes, a wife can meet some of her husband's needs—needs to be believed in, supported, and encouraged. It has been said, "Behind every great man is a great woman." One woman believed that literally. She and her husband, the mayor of a large city, walking down a city street one day when a construction worker on a nearby scaffolding leaned over and shouted, "Hello, Peggy." She turned to look and recognized the carpenter as an old boyfriend from high school. She returned his greeting, and they had a brief conversation before she and her husband continued their walk. The mayor chuckled and said to his wife, "See there, if you had married him, you'd be the wife of a construction worker." She looked at him and said, "No, dear, if I'd married him, he would be the mayor of this city." No matter what type of man you are married to, God wants you to set your sights on building his self-esteem.

Make time for who is important

 I have to remember to make time for God. It doesn't always come easy. You have clothes to wash, dishes to do, food to cook, ect. When you sit down to read and take in some quality time with God what happens, the phone rings, there's a knock at the door, you see where I am going with this. 

We, meaning I, need to stop and remember what is important, most important in my life and that is the Lord and my walk with him. It will effect everything, the love, affection and most of all respect I have for my husband; the way I treat and talk to my friends and family. 

If I do not seek him everyday I am distant or disconnected with him I feel ashamed and embarrassed that I waited so long to talk to Him that there is an awkwardness between us. I love God for all sorts of reasons, because he loved me when I was unloveable, when I didn't even love myself, He loved me so much he gave His son to the cross so that I might be saved from the world and myself. 

Oh, how can I not long to spend time with such a God. 

So many times I race through our time together when I should be taking in ever moment and word. Don't freak out at what I am about to say. What if instead of feeling it is my duty, which it is (study to show thyself approved), I read God's word as if it were the last time I would ever be able too. The last time I could see his written word, the last time I could allow myself to get swept away with wild adventures of Paul and David or when Esther made her appeal to the king, Jonathan's loyal friendship, Mary and Joseph's testimony and faithfulness to the will of God for their lives and Jesus Himself. 

What if I told those who don't know him, what I've read and learned with the same enthusiasm as a new electronic or movie that just came out. What kind of difference would that make not only to the people I've told but the walk I have with Him.  

Just a thought

I wonder?

JOHN 20:1

Now the first day of the week Mary Magdalene went to the tomb early,

while it was still dark, and saw that the stone had been taken away from the tomb. 

It's nearly 5 am , things are still and silent, as restlessness put its hold on me I could sleep no longer and my thoughts were drawn to Mary Magdalene. 

I wonder if she slept at all? Could it be that she waited to go to Him as long as she could, then when she could wait no longer went to the place she thought she would find him. 

Was she with the others when she left to see her Lord . I can see her in my head, moving about gathering together things she would need to honour her Master, Lord, her Jesus. Between the tears and her heart break realizing she could do this last thing for Him, for he had done so much more for her. He had for given her sin. 

When we loose someone so dear to us we can not but help replay our lives together with them. The moments that changed us, reassured us, gave us hope, made us angry and bonded us to this person in the first place. We remember the first time we meet them, the first time we loved them, the times that led to us loosing them. 

Oh, the pain that she must have felt of losing her Lord, and when she could not sleep one more minute if she slept at all, she went to were he was supposed to be, what kind of preparation she must have been making in her heart, to see her Lord one last time. 

Then she saw the unthinkable, the stone rolled away from the tomb.  The terror that must have over taken her as "...she ran to Simon Peter and the other disciple, whom Jesus loved,..." John 20:2 , "So they both ran together,..." John 20:4

Here comes the good part. 

John 20:13 "Then they said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping?" The two angles speaking here. She probably exclaimed through her tears and heart ache what happened as she began to feel the heart build with in her, when a man's voice asked her what she was seeking? Not know it was Him, I asked if he or if he knew what happened to her Lord, letting him know she would take her Lord away.

Then He called her by name, "Mary!"  she  turned around and saw Jesus, her Jesus, the one who she saw die from our sins as he hang from the cross. Did her heart leap for joy, skip a beat, overflow with love for her master, oh I think it did and all at once. Then he gave her the task of telling the others, telling them the wonderful news, that he was not died but had risen. What Peace she must have had knowing her Lord was not laying in a tomb but He had risen.

That is the same peace we have today. How exciting is that? To know my God, my Lord, my King, is not in a tomb somewhere, he is alive and with the Father.  

A merry heart

I really want to be an encouragement to my husband and more times then I would like to admit, I am the opposite.  My actions, body language and tone of voice at times ring out loud and clear I am not happy with this or that. I have to be on guard about the way I am acting or thinking because even though I do not say I am unhappy, mad or sad; my actions will betray me. 

I need to remember that a merry heart doth good like a medicine and to guard my heart at all cost or it will betray me. 

What will please God and my husband? Contentment, faithfulness, a meek and quiet spirit. The last thing my husband needs is to worry about my feelings every second. He needs to free to work in or on the ministry God has given him to do. I need to help him be able to do that by not making a deal out of everything if it doesn't go my way. I need to learn how to trust in God to guide him and trust in him to listen to God's guidance. 

Pray for your marriage

That was the plea from a friend of mine, who's marriage is under attack.

She begged me to make sure I didn't let the little things slip through the cracks because the devil can use something small and grow it into something that will slowly destroy your marriage. I was moved by the way she is drawing strength from the Lord, in this very difficult time. 

There are so many things in this world that can cause use to loss our testimony. I am guilty of taking things for granted. Ladies, I don't know about you, I need to pray for my husband more, for our marriage and our testimony. 

Please heed my friends warning and remember to pray for your marriage, husband and family God has given you.